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Note:
For those outside the US, Mr Rogers presented a children's TV show
which was a national institution for nearly forty years.
It
was the weekend of my 30th birthday, and just a few hours after
disembarking the Hyannis Ferry. My cell phone was still chattering
with MTV business as I stood on the back porch. The last rays of
light were spilling over the horizon. New York City was slipping
away from me as I settled into the quiet island night. Suddenly
a familiar voice from the edge of the dune asked, "Is the birthday
boy here?" I turned to see Mr. Rogers -- more slight, perhaps,
than I remembered from television, but smiling more broadly than
ever -- reaching out to shake my hand.
I grew up with him, to be sure. His cardigan
and sneakers, though, were mythic abstractions. Like Elvis, or John
Lennon, Mr. Rogers was an abstraction. Until that late summer evening.
See, Mr. Rogers was my neighbor in Madaket, Nantucket. He and his
wife Joanne summered there in a beautiful clapboard home -- The
Crooked House, they called it -- on Smith's Point. Meeting him that
night would change the course of things for me and small but meaningful
ways.
The next day, I walked to The Crooked House
for lemonade. I was giddy like a little kid as I trudged with my
guitar slung over my shoulder through the sandy street towards his
home. He answered the back door wearing glasses, a white golf shirt
with a sailboat on it, a pair of slacks and slippers. He was smiling,
his eyes like slivers of the brightest, most star-strewn sky you've
ever seen. We sat in the living room, there in the back overlooking
the sea. It was wood paneled, and strewn with photos and artwork:
there was Lady Elaine, King Friday, and Trolley.
I sat, mouth agape, and talked a while about
New York -- he has an apartment one block from mine -- my job, plans,
and dreams. And then I sang for him. "Summer's Gone."
I was awfully nervous. Playing for half a dozen people is always
more difficult than a hundred. And one of them was a concert pianist,
the other was Mr. Rogers (an accomplished musician in his own right).
I finished, they clapped, we drank lemonade, and smiled. Because
Mr. Rogers was our neighbor.
That could have been enough. The Rogers had
certainly extended their hospitality. But Mr. Rogers asked me if
I'd like a tour of the house, which of course I did. And so there
I was being led around The Crooked House, his magical, intimate
little home. There are doorways one must duck through, narrow staircases,
and surprise little rooms around each turn. While there was evidence
of many summers spent there -- fishing rods, foul weather gear,
boots and hats -- it was a sparse, almost ascetic house. In one
small room, next to a twin cot where he snuck the occasional catnap,
was a pair of blue Keds resting as if they had just fallen from
his feet as he slipped off into Mr. Rogers dreams.
Perhaps the most magical part of my tour occurred
in his study, out back behind the garage. There was a desk, a computer,
and a small piano, all with a view over the pale green grassy dunes
to the silverblue sea. He asked me something no one ever asks. "Tell
me about your father," he said. "Your mother doesn't speak
about him." And I tell him about them divorcing when I was
ten, and how it was pretty ugly, and feel like crying right there
on the spot.
That's Mr. Rogers. He asked the hard that questions
nobody asks. But with more heart than most. Scratch that, with more
heart than all. And then says something perfectly appropriate, and
real, and substantive, and simple.
"That must have been very difficult for
you, Benjamin."
Then he rolled his chair over to the piano and
began playing. First, he played the theme from his show: "It's
a beautiful day in the neighborhood," he sang with a little
more swing than on television, smiling. And then he sang "Happy
Birthday" to me. Years later, it still seems like a dream.
Outside, Mr. Rogers and I stood on the back
porch in the Indian summer sun staring out at the water. He asked
me about my job at MTV. He said he was concerned about modern pop
culture. "There is no shortage of things that are shallow and
complex," he said. "We need more television, more movies,
more art that is deep and simple."
Deep and simple.
The phrase stuck with me. It's what he stood
for, who he was. "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood," like Mr.
Roger's himself, was pure, unadulterated goodness unfettered by
extra language, bright colors, or complicated drama. He spoke straight,
told the truth, and didn't worry about being cool or contemporary.
He just was. Deep and simple.
The World Trade Center fell just few days after
I got back to New York. I was about to release a new CD,"Crash
Site," but -- inspired in no small part by his ethos -- I repaired
to the studio to record a benefit CD instead. I sent him a copy
prior to the September 25th release, and invited him to come to
the show. He didn't make it, but when I got home, there was a message
on my answering machine from him saying that he'd tried to reach
me at the Mercury Lounge, but I was already on stage.
Deep and simple.
When I returned to Nantucket the following September,
I invited Mr. Rogers over for birthday cake. Despite a torrential
downpour, and two other commitments elsewhere on the island, he
came. He was dressed in a navy blue Carhart jumpsuit, and seemed
slower and a bit more frail, but he lit up the room nonetheless.
All of us, aged 31 to 56, were transformed into smiling, fawning
children. He sat next to me on the couch, and watched me open a
few gifts: a bright yellow t-shirt with King Friday on the front
that read "TGIF," and a tiny book with a mirror on the
front and a ribbon bookmark with Trolley on the end of it entitled,
"You Are Special." Inside he had written "Happy Birthday
Benjamin! From your neighbor Fred Rogers."
Sitting there with him in the firelight, the
storm raging just outside the window, I told him how often I thought
about our "deep and simple" conversation, and how often
I told others the story. "Spread the message," he said.
"Spread the message."
Weeks later I was still trying to figure out
how to effectively spread the message. What do I know? What can
I do? Who would listen?
Since then, I have endeavored to write deep
and simple song lyrics. I could not -- and would not -- have written
a song as earnest or as direct as "Stay" ("I love
you / I need you / I want you / To stay") before I met Mr.
Rogers. And last fall I began a series of paintings of perhaps the
deepest and most simple icon there is: the heart. I had set one
of the four panel paintings aside to send to him for Christmas,
and then Valentine's Day.
I'd hoped someday soon to shoot documentary
on Mr. Rogers. I'd envisioned him showing my brother and I around
The Crooked House, playing us a song or two in the study, and talking
a little bit about love and courage, faith and truth. Chris and
I would edit together a documentary as our first feature film. It
would be a Good Work, something we both could be proud of. For weeks
I'd been carrying the idea around. It would basically tell the about
how Mr. Rogers changed my life. Like Michael Moore's participatory
documentary before it, I'd call it "Mr. Rogers & Me."
I'd I scribbled "Write Mr. Rogers" on my To Do List just
two days before NPR delivered the news that Mr. Rogers had died.
Eulogies are both hurried and artless. And this
is surely both. But it is well intentioned, full of love, and full
of gratitude. Gratitude that I had just a moment in the life of
one of our time's greatest men. Gratitude that forever more, I have
a role model that stood for all that is good, honest, sincere, and
kind. Now, all I have left to do before dying is my absolute best
to live a deep and simple life, and spread the message far and wide.
Easy enough, right?

Benjamin Wagner is an employee of MTV News by
day, and a singer/songwriter by night. For more
info and to check out his journal, visit www.benjaminwagner.com
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(c) Benjamin Wagner
WWW.2DOBEFOREIDIE.COM
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